25.12.08
I'm in the midst of doing naidu's project..
oh the hassle...
neways... i did update tadi but din update about the recent events.. so here goes...
1st: I keep getting fever. might be flu and fever season. season kepe.. haha..
2nd: I injured myself. My big toenail on the right foot is blue black greyish rite now as we speak.. was walking up the stairs near my house wen wifout warning i tripped and hit the toe. it hurt like hell.wtf.. i pressed the toe as i felt a sharp pain. it bled as i got to the lift. i banged the lift wall.haha. i noe. violent kan?
now it doesnt hurt much coz i've been taking pain killers. i've been devoting my free time to cleaning and giving it tlc.yea2..
i will just continue writing this way... i'm lazy to add the 3rd and 4th thingy..
i love my life,just as how much i love urs.i've been eating ur lies and promises rite out of the palm of ur hands, even though knowing it would nvr be fulfilled i still held on. Now i need to go.. but u wun let me.. i dun understand why i'm still crying for u while riting this, dunno why i'm still crying for us when we quarrel.. hurts a lot when i think back.. u cut me very deep.. too deep in fact..i wanna start fresh with or without u. stop blaming evrthing else for my chnge coz it doesnt matter.. if i can find the strength to carry on by myself, i will. u are my first and only bf. but ur mum said too much and u did too.. i need space.. if we do stay together,i wonder how i will stand the test of time.things will chnge, sumhow,sumtime, sumwhere.
oh the hassle...
neways... i did update tadi but din update about the recent events.. so here goes...
1st: I keep getting fever. might be flu and fever season. season kepe.. haha..
2nd: I injured myself. My big toenail on the right foot is blue black greyish rite now as we speak.. was walking up the stairs near my house wen wifout warning i tripped and hit the toe. it hurt like hell.wtf.. i pressed the toe as i felt a sharp pain. it bled as i got to the lift. i banged the lift wall.haha. i noe. violent kan?
now it doesnt hurt much coz i've been taking pain killers. i've been devoting my free time to cleaning and giving it tlc.yea2..
i will just continue writing this way... i'm lazy to add the 3rd and 4th thingy..
i love my life,just as how much i love urs.i've been eating ur lies and promises rite out of the palm of ur hands, even though knowing it would nvr be fulfilled i still held on. Now i need to go.. but u wun let me.. i dun understand why i'm still crying for u while riting this, dunno why i'm still crying for us when we quarrel.. hurts a lot when i think back.. u cut me very deep.. too deep in fact..i wanna start fresh with or without u. stop blaming evrthing else for my chnge coz it doesnt matter.. if i can find the strength to carry on by myself, i will. u are my first and only bf. but ur mum said too much and u did too.. i need space.. if we do stay together,i wonder how i will stand the test of time.things will chnge, sumhow,sumtime, sumwhere.
Labels: i'll run far away.far far away.coz rite now life sux.
ClazZiQuai CT, 12:30:00 AM
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24.12.08
okay pple.... haven been updating the blog for lke 4 days oredi.. lol..
oh yah..
THANK YOU KUCING FOR REMINDING ME!!=)
SAYANG KAU!! HAHA!!
I finished and handed up my HMC essay and did the grp presentation.yeay! thank you afiq,fyeeqa,agri,aysha N danica!! u guys did GREAT!!
freedom for a lil while.. still have other things to finish.. die3! stress giller..have to hand up saul/naidu RL after Christmas.. haiya...*%@!#$!&
haha... anyway...i dun really have the time to think bout both.hmm... too stress bout skool.. i dunno.. he is like a biscuit.. skejap ader skejap takde..Kal is still here.. sometimes also havin mood swings..
Now i dun really mind both coz its just too frustrating and making my mind more messed up..
i wanna go for a very very very very very long holiday...haha... go where? i wish i could go to new zealand or even switzerland.. just somewhere peaceful and calm..
for the time being if anyone wants to go to sumwhere quiet N peaceful.. invite eh.. esp if u go to the beach..long time no go.. haha...
okay dat's it 4 now.. see you dudes and dudettes..
Fyeeqa amcm FTT?
doakan kau pass..
so there.
oh yah..
THANK YOU KUCING FOR REMINDING ME!!=)
SAYANG KAU!! HAHA!!
I finished and handed up my HMC essay and did the grp presentation.yeay! thank you afiq,fyeeqa,agri,aysha N danica!! u guys did GREAT!!
freedom for a lil while.. still have other things to finish.. die3! stress giller..have to hand up saul/naidu RL after Christmas.. haiya...*%@!#$!&
haha... anyway...i dun really have the time to think bout both.hmm... too stress bout skool.. i dunno.. he is like a biscuit.. skejap ader skejap takde..Kal is still here.. sometimes also havin mood swings..
Now i dun really mind both coz its just too frustrating and making my mind more messed up..
i wanna go for a very very very very very long holiday...haha... go where? i wish i could go to new zealand or even switzerland.. just somewhere peaceful and calm..
for the time being if anyone wants to go to sumwhere quiet N peaceful.. invite eh.. esp if u go to the beach..long time no go.. haha...
okay dat's it 4 now.. see you dudes and dudettes..
Fyeeqa amcm FTT?
doakan kau pass..
so there.
ClazZiQuai CT, 10:13:00 PM
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20.12.08
Haven been posting much stuff..been bz..haha... so far not much has been happening..
only dat i am under stress..hmm... cannot help it..
anyway...two nites ago.. i quarreled with kal.again.saper yng tau ceriter sebenar paham2 je eh.dats adding to my stress level..haiz..wtf.
have to finish my assignments now. wish me luck dudes and dudettes.
muackz.
only dat i am under stress..hmm... cannot help it..
anyway...two nites ago.. i quarreled with kal.again.saper yng tau ceriter sebenar paham2 je eh.dats adding to my stress level..haiz..wtf.
have to finish my assignments now. wish me luck dudes and dudettes.
muackz.
ClazZiQuai CT, 2:11:00 PM
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17.12.08
*shouting* Gd MOrning...... S'pore.. haha.
i'm still young.but living a stress life.i might be leaving the world as soon as tml. *touches wood*hu noes?
i havent been praying five times a day.not being a pious muslim.wtf.
i can't blame anyone but myself.i hate the state i'm in now.
stress, depress, i feel like shit.
okay now its 7.02 according to the time on da com.hv to go.
gotta be in school by 9. hv to go bathe.see u dudes and dudettes.
MUACKZ<3>
Labels: may death not do us part., perchance
ClazZiQuai CT, 6:50:00 AM
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14.12.08
yesterdae, i went out roaming orchard road.met kal over there.
we ate, walked arnd.evrything seemed fine.only till when it was time to go hme.he wants me to stay out till l8er.i said i can't.i just promised Ayah dat i'll be bck hme at 12,the very least.
so yeah we quarrelled.u noe kal, i am giving u a chance by letting things go ur way 4 the most of things but, i mean, get ur priorities rite.
by doin that u are being damn immature.okay?
so like i said we fought.i just kept quiet when he started to pick the fight.after trying to control all emotions, i just said this sentence " i wish i wuldnt wake up tml so u would be happier!" and i slammed the railing nearby.
then he walked off.coz he misheard me, or as he said he did when he koled to ask where i am after dat.he tot i asked him to go and die.ya rite.
anyways.i took 700A hme when he koled and asked me to meet me at the bus interchnge. and guess wat pple?!
its 12 midnite.
wtf.
so much for my janji with Ayah.
sorrie Ayah.
kal reached the interchange and started questionin me bout my behaviour.y did i leave him tadi?y nvr go after him when he walked off? why is my attitude towards him changing?
xcuse me mister.hu left hu?
and u think this is hindustan?i noe when im not wanted.i hv my limits.and my attitude chnged coz of u.u made me this way.after wat u did to me.u noe wat?
i dun wanna go arnd blaming you or pple for my mistakes.
i'll accept blame for watever went rong.happie?
i hate fights. i want world peace.give me peace pple.
u noe wat Kal? i still f-ing love u.dun u get dat?stop treating me like shit.stop blaming my attitude chnge coz of me going to skool, influence of my frens and my so called 'new found independence'. coz sumone u love wun make u choose btwn things that are impt to u in life.
and Kal, u told me dat ur patience reached ur limits kan? n u wouldnt care bout me after dat? noe this k?
by then if u wanna break ties with me, go ahead.
tapi kalau smlm yang after the quarrel, i hugged and cried like mad and said sorrie to u after u apologised,is not enuff to show dat i love u, i dun noe wat else will.
so there.
as for my other side of life, its okay.evrything's fine.but i will hve to discipline myself.i need to finish my assignments.soon. still have alot more to go.
i am going to put dwn the list of unfinished assignments here.
so this is the list:
we ate, walked arnd.evrything seemed fine.only till when it was time to go hme.he wants me to stay out till l8er.i said i can't.i just promised Ayah dat i'll be bck hme at 12,the very least.
so yeah we quarrelled.u noe kal, i am giving u a chance by letting things go ur way 4 the most of things but, i mean, get ur priorities rite.
by doin that u are being damn immature.okay?
so like i said we fought.i just kept quiet when he started to pick the fight.after trying to control all emotions, i just said this sentence " i wish i wuldnt wake up tml so u would be happier!" and i slammed the railing nearby.
then he walked off.coz he misheard me, or as he said he did when he koled to ask where i am after dat.he tot i asked him to go and die.ya rite.
anyways.i took 700A hme when he koled and asked me to meet me at the bus interchnge. and guess wat pple?!
its 12 midnite.
wtf.
so much for my janji with Ayah.
sorrie Ayah.
kal reached the interchange and started questionin me bout my behaviour.y did i leave him tadi?y nvr go after him when he walked off? why is my attitude towards him changing?
xcuse me mister.hu left hu?
and u think this is hindustan?i noe when im not wanted.i hv my limits.and my attitude chnged coz of u.u made me this way.after wat u did to me.u noe wat?
i dun wanna go arnd blaming you or pple for my mistakes.
i'll accept blame for watever went rong.happie?
i hate fights. i want world peace.give me peace pple.
u noe wat Kal? i still f-ing love u.dun u get dat?stop treating me like shit.stop blaming my attitude chnge coz of me going to skool, influence of my frens and my so called 'new found independence'. coz sumone u love wun make u choose btwn things that are impt to u in life.
and Kal, u told me dat ur patience reached ur limits kan? n u wouldnt care bout me after dat? noe this k?
by then if u wanna break ties with me, go ahead.
tapi kalau smlm yang after the quarrel, i hugged and cried like mad and said sorrie to u after u apologised,is not enuff to show dat i love u, i dun noe wat else will.
so there.
as for my other side of life, its okay.evrything's fine.but i will hve to discipline myself.i need to finish my assignments.soon. still have alot more to go.
i am going to put dwn the list of unfinished assignments here.
so this is the list:
- HMC- Essay.
- HMC- Oral Presentation.
- TPSW- Research Literature.
- TPSW- Oral Presentation On RL.
- TPSW- NVC Video.
- SBS- Grpwork.
- TDMC- Grpwork.
Labels: i m hoping all this will resolve soon.let me find the strength.
ClazZiQuai CT, 11:23:00 AM
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11.12.08
i m blogging.duh.i am toking to a fren on the phn.i have nothing to do.
haha.wtf.haha.i'm bored.
haha.wtf.haha.i'm bored.
ClazZiQuai CT, 1:37:00 AM
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9.12.08
Its morning.duh.erm.re-reading my previous post.esp the most recent one.i dunno whether i should be damn truthful regarding my situation.all i noe is dat my plans and dreams with him are falling apart.nd i wanted to leave,but kal wouldnt let me go.and i have evry right to.. but am i being selfish? i question myself evryday.to leave him is being selfish rite? but wat if u had sacrificed so much for sumone u loved a lot walaupun u were treated like shit for the past 4 yrs and u still stayed on..?and now u have a newfound strength to get up on ur own two feet and not be weak,coz u want to get away b4 ur patience runs really thin coz of waiting for him to chnge after all those years, nd u cant..?coz he doesnt want to let u go..now dat he realises dat u cnt alwys be there 4 you, he promises to chnge...but i m too tired already..of crying,worrying,thinking and all dt stuff... yes i cn be an extremist..if i am kind and good i'll be kind and good to the max but if i'm bad, u cn say gdbye and xpect to see my other side i rarely show n u wouldnt want to do that .. u said its nt gd for me.. tapi u touched my last nerve... yes I HAVE BEEN TOO PATIENT..u took me for granted kal... u treated me like ur toy, u want u cari, u tknk u buang gitu..i dunno wat else to do...as abidah said, its either i leave now or just accept it since u promised to chnge...i m seriously confused..
ClazZiQuai CT, 6:36:00 AM
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8.12.08
went out to grndma's hse tadi.blah3.met my cousins and all.went into detail bout my relationship,how its falling apart.abidah wants me to leave.i've had almost similar opinions regarding my situation already.and all are from those i care about.the thing is kaldean wants to chnge.but i dunno whether he is goin to stop halfway.i quarreled with him, and he says i'm getting too defensive abt things evr since dat big quarrel,how cn i not???!!
it has been bad enuff dat i had to go thru shits for the past 4 yrs and not say a wrd but now suddenly i try to defend myself and it shows dat i m like other typical girls?? where's the fairness in dat?crap.
now u're saying dat i m different,blaming me for my frens influence and all.telling me dat i dun appreciate u for all u've done? pls.dun try to teach me.
wat u've done to me in the past has been bad enuff.i din dare tell u dat i'm angry coz i noe u tkleh terima.so kirakan only u boleh marah2 bentak2.aku ni takde perasaan sbagai manusia?
u told me i've chnged.u told me dat i'm just like some other typical girl?u used to say i'm different frm other gals,u said u LOVED me,but u still hurt me badly with ur heartless actions and hurtful werds.
now my actions serve as ur reflection, u can't take it.u say its just too much,u wanna give up coz ure tired.HAH! its only a shrt period of time.wat about me? i have been patient enuff to give u chances over n over again.but when i lost it, i wanted to leave,u wuldn't let me go.saying i m ur other half?bs.
to tired to carry on.i wanna sleep. tml skooling.nitey nites.
it has been bad enuff dat i had to go thru shits for the past 4 yrs and not say a wrd but now suddenly i try to defend myself and it shows dat i m like other typical girls?? where's the fairness in dat?crap.
now u're saying dat i m different,blaming me for my frens influence and all.telling me dat i dun appreciate u for all u've done? pls.dun try to teach me.
wat u've done to me in the past has been bad enuff.i din dare tell u dat i'm angry coz i noe u tkleh terima.so kirakan only u boleh marah2 bentak2.aku ni takde perasaan sbagai manusia?
u told me i've chnged.u told me dat i'm just like some other typical girl?u used to say i'm different frm other gals,u said u LOVED me,but u still hurt me badly with ur heartless actions and hurtful werds.
now my actions serve as ur reflection, u can't take it.u say its just too much,u wanna give up coz ure tired.HAH! its only a shrt period of time.wat about me? i have been patient enuff to give u chances over n over again.but when i lost it, i wanted to leave,u wuldn't let me go.saying i m ur other half?bs.
to tired to carry on.i wanna sleep. tml skooling.nitey nites.
Labels: yes sir. i will tc of myself.
ClazZiQuai CT, 11:49:00 PM
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4.12.08
it twas a day.
today,i had a late start.woke up at 7.15am when i was to wake up earlier.i had to do the hsewrk of coz.but.i was like wtf.i'm late.
anyway, met up with afiqah and atika at cck mrt station.baik eh kwn2 ku.then off to skool.
erm... in skool we had jailani's lesson. today the lecturer went crazy with his expressions.maintain k muker.we went thru the lyrics of Prerogative by Britney(i dunno how to spell so i m sorrie to any britney fans out there).. u shuld have seen his facial xpressions and actions... priceless.
so far skool has been fun... stress level has reached a new high today,coz i realized there are so many assignments to finish up.i keep delaying.i need to start somewhere soon.haha.pray dat i dun end up like a zombie coz of too much work at the end of this term.haha.
i shuld start now.will update more when i need to release more tension.
anyway, met up with afiqah and atika at cck mrt station.baik eh kwn2 ku.then off to skool.
erm... in skool we had jailani's lesson. today the lecturer went crazy with his expressions.maintain k muker.we went thru the lyrics of Prerogative by Britney(i dunno how to spell so i m sorrie to any britney fans out there).. u shuld have seen his facial xpressions and actions... priceless.
so far skool has been fun... stress level has reached a new high today,coz i realized there are so many assignments to finish up.i keep delaying.i need to start somewhere soon.haha.pray dat i dun end up like a zombie coz of too much work at the end of this term.haha.
i shuld start now.will update more when i need to release more tension.
ClazZiQuai CT, 9:34:00 PM
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