4.4.14
Being Alone
Having lived through many incidents and lessons, I have never felt so alone. Being here with myself in the office, in the vicinity of my workplace, surrounded by students.
I don't even know if the feeling sucks. I don't even know what I am feeling.
I don't have the will to push myself anymore.
I am doing all I can with my own will to tell myself I have to not think anymore negative thoughts.
I should just let everything go with the flow.
Maybe just free myself from whatever that is holding me down.
Needing that push. I keep feeling so emotional and so down with whatever is happening around me.
I don't recognize myself anymore also.
I shouldn't control anything anymore.
My workload is not heavy but physically it tires me.
I don't know if he fears losing me. Or if he fears my leaving.
Once before he left me.
I put myself before him to plead and get him back.
Somehow, I don't know if he patched back due to still loving me or just out of pity and loneliness.
Even as we speak now, I have a lot of thoughts running through my head.
I am doing all I can to block out.
Trying to be rational instead of emotional.
He's friendly, to everyone.
Still in contact with the one he likes and even his exes.
I am coming to terms with his nature,
but somehow, I feel something else which is so strong but I have no proof.
I want to cry, but I feel stupid.
Because there is nothing that is proven he did stupid things behind my back.
I don't know my uncertainty.
Its just driving me crazy.
ClazZiQuai CT, 7:01:00 PM
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