17.9.09
I was deep in thoughts that I din realise my sister was standing beside me
calling me since like 3 mins ago.
I feel the need to write evrything down.
But I then I thought again, I shouldn't.
nvm.
Well,to start off, I am disturbed.
by the fact that evrything's the way it is right now.
That the situation starts to repeat itself.
I start to feel like how I felt when it happened.
But maybe I am way too paranoid.
or its just a coincidence.
Somehow, others get better in time together.
Some others don't.
Mine is the latter.
Should I just forget that it happened once b4 or should I do something bout it?
I've done all I can.
Or maybe I am just too controlling?
Wait a sec, I never control pple's lives.
I still rmbered what my aunt said yesterday.
We plan, He plans.
But His planning will always be better than ours.
I have had my own plans.
And it always ends up differently than I had expected.
Life has spiralled downwards since than.
I know I have to get out of this vicious cycle but I somehow can't.
Knowing that every second and minute it kills my willpower
to just carry on a day more or so.
I've had chances and opportunities too,
but I always back out at the eleventh hour.
I did what I did coz it felt right at that moment in time.
I was too caught up with wanting to do what I want.
Its got me to a point where my parents and I cannot see things eye to eye.
And my parents still treat me like I am a 12 year old kid.
with curfews and scoldings and beatings.
yes, I still do get beaten up.
I've done things all these while,
to please my parents and others.
Pleasing myself is like finding fault with my parents.
My parents are the really old fashioned kind.
They want us, their children, to behave just like them
in the olden times.
which stresses me out a lot.
I dunno why but it does.
I have to end here now.
Since I have nth else to type down.
ClazZiQuai CT, 5:39:00 AM
Post a Comment