17.6.09
A Post of Confessions
somehow, i think i need to come clean to certain past issues in my life.
its been bugging me a lot.
i haven't been a good person neither have i been that bad.
i will have to confess to things in one way or another sooner or l8er.
i have been keeping snippets of secrets.
some of which pple will noe.
i am wondering if i wanna make the blog private.
here goes nth.
let's start with something that started everything else.
as ashamed i am to say anything,
or rather, confess,
i have not attended school for 3 years plus.
why?
coz i vowed to myself that i will go to school once Kal gets to go to school.
why?
bcoz i cannot imagine losing him.
i was being naive back then and i only realise the severity of it now.
i made my parents worried shit bout me.
i made my aunt not talk to me for almost 2 years.
i made evryone disappointed.
and now,
after three years plus,
its all coming back.
the guilt,
haunting me.
i never blamed Kal for wat i did.
coz i did it out of my own free will.
so whenever i hear of same story and pple going like
''wat the hell is his person thinking, not wanting to go sch just
coz his bf/gf is not in the same sch?''
most of the time i will just keep quiet.
i will just smile and not say much.
i, however, blamed myself for affecting his grades.
he has only (insert) credits to his O's
while i have all 7.
i blame myself for not being able to inspire him.
i noe he is smart.
but with all the fights and stuff.
its affected him.
nobody noes wat both of us have been thru.
i have deserted my best of frens just for this guy.
i have to stop now.
i cannot carry on.
its been bugging me a lot.
i haven't been a good person neither have i been that bad.
i will have to confess to things in one way or another sooner or l8er.
i have been keeping snippets of secrets.
some of which pple will noe.
i am wondering if i wanna make the blog private.
here goes nth.
let's start with something that started everything else.
as ashamed i am to say anything,
or rather, confess,
i have not attended school for 3 years plus.
why?
coz i vowed to myself that i will go to school once Kal gets to go to school.
why?
bcoz i cannot imagine losing him.
i was being naive back then and i only realise the severity of it now.
i made my parents worried shit bout me.
i made my aunt not talk to me for almost 2 years.
i made evryone disappointed.
and now,
after three years plus,
its all coming back.
the guilt,
haunting me.
i never blamed Kal for wat i did.
coz i did it out of my own free will.
so whenever i hear of same story and pple going like
''wat the hell is his person thinking, not wanting to go sch just
coz his bf/gf is not in the same sch?''
most of the time i will just keep quiet.
i will just smile and not say much.
i, however, blamed myself for affecting his grades.
he has only (insert) credits to his O's
while i have all 7.
i blame myself for not being able to inspire him.
i noe he is smart.
but with all the fights and stuff.
its affected him.
nobody noes wat both of us have been thru.
i have deserted my best of frens just for this guy.
i have to stop now.
i cannot carry on.
ClazZiQuai CT, 9:35:00 PM
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